The Asian Squat

We've all seen it in Chinatown. We've all wondered could it possibly be comfortable. Well, it's everywhere out here; from Thailand to China to Hong Kong to India. The Asian Squat.


Artistic Squat, 7/10


The squat technique involves both feet being firmly planted on the ground to provide a solid foundation of balance. Both knees should be pointed at an ever so slight outward angle, just obtuse enough so one's elbows can be rested on the inside of the knees. The butt should be pretty much as low as possible to the ground without touching and still maintaining balance.


Hang off the stairs and look mod squat, 8/10


Knee strength is one crucial element as I can maybe put it 2-3 minutes top of squatting before my knees start killing me. The most crucial element is however balance. If you attempt the position you will notice a tendency to either fall forward or backwards, depending on your back's position. I believe a straight back is required though adds a level of difficulty.


Climb and Squat, 9/10


If you reach that exact point, where somehow you fall neither backward nor forward, where you can either rest your elbows on your knees comfortably with a straight back, where you can smoke a cigarette, read a newspaper, drink a coffee, drink a beer, play cards, play mah jongg, maybe even take a dump (if you're in India), or just squat around and discuss the latest bout of political oppression inflicted upon you, my friend, you have learned the Asian Squat.



Mother and Child Squat, 10/10

Welcome to the Ladyboy Cabaret

We've all heard of the famous Thai ladyboys. I never quite understood what the fuss was about until you actually see a few of these fascinating creatures. My first exposure was in a touristy strip of an island, Koh Samui, where as a solo male traveler walking around, the harassment was fairly constant. Many of them would be quite beautiful women, but a British dude provided me the sage advice "always remember....no Thai woman should be above 5'6".

A family friendly element of the Ladyboy experience is the Ladyboy Cabaret. I attended them in both Koh Samui and Koh Tao with the safety of female friends, as the idea of heading into one of these solo would be a little nervewracking. The cabarets themselves were tremendously entertaining. Basically, the ladyboys perform a series of song and dance numbers, minus actual singing. They chroeograph fairly complex dance routines and costumes with music ranging from popular hip hop to Bollywood, to naturally, a ton of disco.



The dancing and costumes definitely ranged in qualty as the Koh Tao ladyboys were definitely minor leaguers compared to Koh Samui. Timing was off, dancers looked nervous, and man, some of those ladyboys really looked like kinda scary men (and lets not even start with the 'tuck jobs'). I am still curious to this day if there are any Frank Bruni or Rogert Ebert style "Ladyboy Cabaret Critics" as after two viewings I felt I could distinguish what was quality.

The highest quality moment came in the Koh Samui show, as a ladyboy came out in full ladyboy regalia to Frank Sinatra's "My Way". As heshe danced and lip-synced through the number, they removed articles of clothing and put on men's clothing. Towards the crescendo-laden finale of the song, they even wiped off their makeup and combed their real hair, and became a very regular looking Thai man in a suit. An example of the postmodern Ladyboy arthouse performance genre at its finest.

(I randomly found a clip on Youtube of the conclusion of I think the same performer)

The Koh Tao cabaret however did provide one interesting twist. With about 100 people in the audience, at the conclusion they needed just a few 'volunteers' (or victims more accurately). I was sitting kind of near the front and as one of the manlier ones scanned the audience with those Thai ladyboy eyes, heshe locked in on me and walked over and tapped me on the shoulder. I provided the obligatory hesitation, but as most of you who know me well would know, I figured I could handle whatever was in store. They picked me, two British guys, and I think an Aussie and took us back to the dressing room. We were provided costumes involving, with mine involving a purple wig, long purple skirt and some sort of bra top. We were brought out behind the curtain and told to stand there as a familiar disco beat found its way through the speakers. Yes, the curtain opened to the words "young man" and it was our time to walk out and dance to YMCA with the ladyboys.


We rocked it.

The Island

Picture this: Crystal clear blue water, white sand beaches, cheap but good food and drink, and a place composed solely of young hippies just hanging out. This place does exist, and it is called Koh Tao.

Much like the passengers of Flight 815 and their journey to "The Island", my journey to Koh Tao was somewhat of a disaster. It involved a 1.5 hour ferry ride from Koh Samui that was a horror unlike anything I've ever experienced. The high-speed ferry ride was absurdly choppy and created a situation that was so disgusting, it was almost funny. About 30 minutes into the ride I heard the first heaving vomit from the back of the passenger area. What happened next was unreal. If you've ever seen one of those Family Guy clips where everyone starts puking, this was the closest I think I'll ever get (hopefully) as one person's vomiting led to a chain reaction with at least 20 confirmed vomiters out of maybe 100 passengers. I've never experienced motion sickness before and thankfully avoided it, but as I witnessed lady directly to my right puking into a bag, I definitely didnt feel awesome.



Once we got there, everything changed. The beaches are beautiful, the island isn't overdeveloped, and there's one long strip of beach that has a bunch of bars and restaurants. Each bar has a large outdoor seating area of bean bags and lounge chairs that are full of people, probably with an average age of 22, hanging out all day drinking and just relaxing. At night there are fire jugglers everywhere and all the restaurants open up dance floors. There are fire jugglers and fire limbo and booze is served in buckets. The beaches are that idyllic crytal blue water and white sand you only see in brochures. What more do you need?


Bean Bags on the Beach





Fire Limbo


Fire Jugglers


I don't know if its the sarcastic New Yorker in me, but I was convinced the entire time something had to be wrong. It was just too perfect. I even shared this theory with a number of people we met, and most people almost agreed when confronted with my theory. A few running theories were: the bathwater occasionally literally smelled like crap and some people were suspect as to how sewage is treated on the island. Another guy was convinced that the volcanic nature of the rock on the island somehow was slowly giving everyone cancer. The easy theory was we'd all be the murder victims of Thai drug lords, a la The Beach. Other than that, maybe this really was paradise. Maybe this was a never-never land for the hippie in us all.

.,...and just maybe, The Island heard me questioning its worth, and that's why it cursed me with a perforated eardrum.

Perforated Eardrum

.....is not the name of my new band. It is the disastrous result of my attempt at scuba diving certification. This endeavor began with an extremely interesting few classrom sessions, continued with an introduction into the world of Finding Nemo, and ended in temporary hearing loss and "ear discharge".

While spending time on Koh Tao in Thailand, I decided I would (horrible pun alert) take the plunge and sign up for a scuba certification course. I signed up with the Phoenix Divers group, after a solid sales pitch from an American who worked there and saw me inspecting a brochure. The class is four days long, with the first day solely in the classroom, the second day split between the classroom and a pool, and the third and fourth days spent in the ocean diving.

I was anticipating the classroom time to be fairly boring but important, but it was nothing of the sort. I was never a huge fan of physics and science in general in high school, but the direct real world application of physics to scuba diving was fascinating. If nothing else, I finally have a solid understanding of why one's ears pop on a flight, after a lengthy discussion on water and air pressure. The physics perfectly translated in the ocean as how heavily you breath and fill your lungs with air notably affects how you rise and fall in the water due to the changes in your density.

Unfortunately, the real world application of the physics became all too real for me. The 45 minute dive was spectacular, the feeling of suspended weightlessness in the water is unlike anything I've felt before and swimming along with schools of fish and seeing all the life of the coral reef up close was spectacular. The second dive, well, that was where the disaster took place.

While we've all learned the lesson to listen carefully to the teacher, I had about five minutes of waiting at the beginning at the surface of the water while other students were taking "skills tests" you need for certification. I decided to kinda screw around to the side and practice one of the skills, "filling the mask", that involves allowing water into your mask and blowing it out with your nose. It happened fairly quickly, but I basically descended too quickly into the water with a mask filled with water, and BAM, I felt a shooting pop through my right ear.

After a few seconds of total disorientation, which was admittedly kind of cool in a crazy way, as with no center of gravity and surrounded by water I literally had no sense of direction or space for a few seconds, I surfaced. I went over to the teacher and said "um..something might be wrong". I told him what happened and as an examination, he took me underwater and had me "equalize" (which is basically holding your nose and blowing, like on a plane to clear your ears). It definitely wasnt a good sign that small bubbles were coming out of my ear, but he reassured me it was the most common of diving issues but I couldnt finish the course.

Even with the subsequent "ear discharge" (which is not a fun or pretty occurrence) and annoying slight temporary hearing loss, that is thankfully coming to an end, I still fully intend to finish the scuba course and get my license. I long to get back to the world of Nemo.

I am a Flashpacker

Me: "Can I take your iphone off the charger and use the outlet for my netbook?"
Friend: "Hold on, I'm syncing some new music I just bought. I want to take advantage of our guesthouse having wifi"

Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to flashpacking. What exactly is flashpacking? It's a way of traveling for quarter-life crisis types and beyond. You've worked a few years. You've saved up some cash. Suddenly you have a chunk of free time to go see the world.

Many remember summers or semesters spent abroad as broke college students, backpacking around Europe and Southeast Asia. The crucial limitation on these travels was a dependence on parents or a finite savings account that forced one to carefully budget out dorm-style hostels, drink specials, and limited tour activities to the penny/ However, as a 29 year old who's just left the workforce, you've earned the luxury to stay in remotely liveable accomodations. You've not looking for a penthouse suite, but chances are, you'll spring for a private room at a hostel rather than the dorm style beds. You can now afford a variety of day tours and activities that are offered. You're old now; staying out til 4am and waking up at 8am for a day hike just doesnt seem to work anymore.

The other major change from the backpacking lifestyle is the introduction of somewhat comfortable travel. If it costs another $15 to upgrade from the 3rd class sleeper train to the 2nd class one, you'll take it. Southeast Asia has proven itself to be a flashpackers paradise with a bounty of low-cost airlines that allow for the ultimate flash-packer luxury: heavily discounted, last-minute airline tickets. While still slightly more expensive than an "18 hour bus ride + ferry", these airline companies have created an extremely comfortable way to quickly travel around. You also can avoid serious planning as you no longer have to follow a logical geographic plan, as you would traveling by bus or train.

The final, and most crucial characteristic of a flashpacker is an arsenal of technology. Hostels and guesthouses appear to be in tune to this trend, as majority of these places now have wifi in their lobbies and sometimes even rooms. On that budget flight, you'll find flashpackers listening to their ipods, viewing digital pictures, and uploading them to their netbooks. The travel journal / scrapbook that was so common as a collegiate backpacker is now replaced with the blog or the extra-long group email. When you meet other flashpackers, you instantly facebook friend them on your smartphone for which you've bought a local data SIM card.

The other crucial question for the flashpacker is that of luggage. We've all seen the oversized hiking backpacks, complete with Canadian flag patch and multitude of buckles and straps; the more buckles and straps one's bag has, the more intense a backpacker they are. I felt the standard large backpack was no longer my bag of choice. Instead.,I found a large suitcase type bag, with rolling wheels, but that has a strap compartment to convert itself into kind of a backpack. The flashpackers place in life is exactly that, not quite ready to travel the world with a Tumi suitcase, but no longer wanting to be associated at every juncture with the hippie backpacker. A friend asked a poignant question, "Is that a suitcase with straps, or a backpack with wheels?" That truly is the question.....

If you've recently found a good deal of free time and want to see the world, but aren't quite ready to sign up for a bus tour of 60 Japanese adults. If you've saved a little bit of money and are looking to travel cheaply, but don't want to be the "creepy, old dude" at the hostel. If you're somewhere between Under the Tuscan Sun and Eurotrip, fear not. Join the flashpacker movement.

My flashpacking tech list:

HP Netbook
Unlocked Blackberry with local SIM cards
iPod Nano (stolen, replaced with an "iPop" ripoff, bought in Bangkok)
Amazon Kindle
Casio Exilim digital camera

La Vita e Bella

I knew the day I accepted the offer from INSEAD for business school it would present some unusual "international" situations. Some friends joked that my likely occupation after graduating would be carrying briefcases full of cash across oil fields in Africa. I will admit though, I was a little surprised when I found myself studying Italian, in Singapore, on a streetful of brothels.

For a little background, INSEAD has a requirement of knowledge in three language, including English. After some last-minute debate, I decided to pursue Italian as my 2nd as the test was heavily grammar based (I had originally planned on using Bengali which I speak at home, but I'm fairly unfamiliar with the written language). After not paying attention to deadlines, I had to cut my Mandarin lessons a week short and headed to Singapore to take the Italian test. The plan was simple, I had 8 days to do nothing but try to relearn a language. I had started perusing a textbook while still in Beijing, and found a budget hotel in Singapore and actually made a plan, day by day, of what I'd need to cover.

Things got interesting when I arrived in Singapore. Now, I had been here before for work never really left the financial district area. I'm not really familiar with names of neighborhoods and found a great looking budget hotel on tripadvisor. It got great ratings, had wi-fi, air conditioning, a full-size bed, and was about $35 USD a night. It seemed perfect for the task at hand so I booked it.

The taxi driver looked at me a little oddly when I gave him the address and told him I'd be staying there a week but I didnt really think much of it. When I got to the hotel it definitely looked to be a shady area. In other areas I seriously might have rethought the reservation, but I figured that it's Singapore, if you can't chew gum I probably won't get shot.

There was a strong stench throughout the air that I couldn't place as I walked up to the check-in counter. In front of me was an old, kinda pasty white guy with a young Asian girl in a short skirt and heels asking about "transit rates" which apparently means by the hour. Things were getting sketchier. I held my belongings close and checked in, and headed up to the room, which turned out to be as nice as advertised. I was still weirded out by the entire situation but the room was perfect for the week so figured I'd stay here but take a walk around the neighborhood.

It turned out I was staying in a neighborhood called Geylang, which is apparently a famous Singapore red light district. It's a series of numbered blocks, with apparently each block being run by a different ethnic Asian gang and with a different ethnicity of women (according to wikipedia this would include one block of ladyboys). The area was definitely not full of Eliot Spitzer style establishments as it's pretty jarring to walk around. There's trash everywhere and that smell wafting through the air. It turned out the smell was a tropical fruit, Durian, that has an unbelievably strong odor and is really popular through Singapore and especially in Geylang....I guess a delicacy among Johns?

There was a subway station close by and I managed to make it out around 9am every morning to a nicer area with great coffeeshops for studying. Yes, there are guys standing outside at 9am trying to get you into their brothel. Even through the stench of durien and hookers, I was able to get in about 10 hours of review a day and eventually passed the test.

Welcome to INSEAD. Welcome to Singapore.

Some random thoughts:

- for practicing listening and speaking I found a really good language podcast on iTunes: LearnItalianPod.com. For all my love of technology, I've never really gotten into Podcasts but this series was amazing. I would like to thank Massimo and Jane for their help in the process.

- Not only do people here drive on the other side of the street, while riding escalators, the "standing/slow" line is on the opposite side from America. I wonder how that stuff gets communicated.

- I'm convinced you can tell the level of freedom of political expression in countries by how observant they are of Don't Walk signals. There can seriously not be a car in sight and people will wait for the Walk signal here. I dont want to get caned and don't really know the territory yet, so even with the agitated New Yorker in me, I wait out the signal.

Walking Tours

While roaming "off the beaten path" could be the most cliched phrase in traveling, I did not exactly seek to make my way to the Empire State Building every Sunday while living in NYC. One summer, a friend recommended a mp3 walking tour by a company called Soundwalk.com, geared towards Ipods which were just getting popular. Their tagline is "Walking tours for people who don't like walking tours" and I was instantly intrigued by the idea of hipster-tourist activities. I'm not sure if this foreshadowed my current travels, but I began with the Chinatown NY walking tour.

It was downright amazing and I strongly, strongly recommend the NYC tours to anyone living there. They begin with a disclaimer that removes them from the responsibility of any physical harm you may experience during the tour, which of course made me more excited. It takes you through different neighborhoods and into very random situations. One of the first things on the Chinatown tour had the speaker say, "okay, keep walking. Do you see a grey door with Chinese print on your left? Open it. This is the (forget the name) coffee shop. Look over in the corner, is there an old Chinese man reading a newspaper," and YES there was an old Chinese man reading a paper, "that's Mr. Chang, he's been sitting there every day for over twenty years since his sons have taken over running the shop from him." Basically, throughout the tour there are these amazing situations that seem to almost be coordinated just for this tour. The legitimacy is almost made more real as some doors are sometimes in fact locked or people or stores on the tour aren't there.

I've since done the Little Italy, Meatpacking District, Wall Street, and Lower East Side tours, each having its own highlight. You have to be somewhat mentally ready to approach the tours as some of the situations are extremely awkward. For example, walking into a tiny butcher shop in Little Italy where there's a 90yr old Italian guy chopping meat, and just standing in the corner with your ipod silently, isn't for the faint of heart. However, if you're willing to engage in a little conversation and step out of your comfort zone, they've resulted in some amazing conversations. Supposedly there's a great Yankees tour (no way in hell for me, but I figure some of you would enjoy this) as well as a "Bronx Grafitti Walk".

I was happy to realize they've extended their tours to international locations, randomly partnering with Louis Vuitton for a series of Chinese tours. The Beijing tour was unbelievable and Soundwalk apparently has taken the previous tours to a whole new level. What they've done is add a new element of a running play for the duration of the tour. As you walk around, you actually learn about different sites through seemingly a movie script, narrated by a famous Chinese actor. Gong Li narrated the Beijing version that takes you through the Beijing Hutong, which are villages that have been around for hundreds of years and still very much occupied. I could not get over how well they created the feeling that you are essentially walking through the set of a movie as its happening.

Louis Vuitton Soundwalk --- Beijing with Gong Li
Uploaded by LouisVuitton08. - Explore exotic destinations and travel videos.

You learn about the history of the neighborhoods and meet some crazy people. My crowning achievement was introducing myself in Chinese to a 90yr old man with a long white beard who raises crickets that was mentioned on the tour. I also climbed a ladder that was mentioned and actually there, and found a huge pigeon farm. Apparently in the Hutong, people train their pigeons for flying contests, just because that's how shit goes down in the Hutong. By the end you actually feel like you've just witnessed an amazing play or show. The Beijing one has the best reviews and won some awards so I'm not positive that the quality of the storytelling in the other tours is as high, but this one wa definitely intense.



Naturally, the more popular these tours get, the less effective and interesting they will become. Well.....as all good hipster tourism goes, it's always better to have been there "before it went mainstream".