With those simple words, it was in fact, The End. The past year has been the most intense professional experience of my life. The first six months of my emerging markets trading life were certainly not without drama as daily dressing-downs from a dodgy boss nearly broke me. The beauty of trading was that, deep down, you never really cared. You wanted to make lots of money and your ego wanted your name to have large black numbers next to it, but in the end, the non-monetary joy and pain were fleeting. It sounds kinda weird speaking of a financial news website in an emotional tone, but the difference with Tilt was that I actually cared.
The adventure began last September while emailing a bunch of media-related INSEAD alumni. A high-up alum at the Financial Times told me about a startup project underway. At that point I would've taken any semi-reasonable media job, just to get in the door, but the group the alum described instantly tattooed "dream job" onto my brain. The project would be focused on emerging markets, with a strong emphasis on social media (whatever that meant), and was being created by the founders of one of my favorite finance blogs, FT Alphaville.
For those who know me, I tend to get a bit excited sometimes. I'm talking foot-tapping, eye-bulging, repeatedly uttering "are you kidding me?!" excited. It's been described as both my most endearing and my most annoying quality. When I heard about Tilt, I hit the same level of hyperactive energy that elementary schoolteachers once complained to my parents about. I was initially told they weren't hiring, but a tip to job seekers everywhere: always have some vague industry-related project you're working on. If you're told there are no positions available, insist on meeting under the guise of said project (mine was an arrogantly titled media strategy class project, "The Future of Journalism"). That project, combined with a last minute Eurostar ticket to London, got my first foot into the door of One Southwark Bridge.
I was lucky. The exact right combination of people were involved with Tilt to convince them to take a chance on me. There were introductory calls in French supermarket parking lots, phone and videoconference interviews in Singapore, a post-casino job offer call I'll never forget, preparatory calls in Calcutta, and finally, moving back to my beloved NYC and walking into the offices of an organization I always held in complete reverence.
Naturally, real life is always a bit dirtier than less exciting than your dreams. A satellite newsroom ain't what you see in the movies and a startup product certainly doesn't go as planned. The next 10 months were kind of a blur. Weekends and evenings were no longer off-limits, web savviness made it so we could work anytime and anywhere, and the idea of vacation days became a joke.
Even more stressful was that feeling of always playing from behind. Whether it's being down in sports or trading after a bad run, calm is always that much more difficult to achieve. After a lackluster launch, it became an extended game of catchup. I remember when I began trading that feeling of being overwhelmed existed, but then one day everything clicked. There was that moment where you saw everything with clarity and the right results magically began falling into place. Odd confession: during the torturous initiation period of trading life, on the subway ride in, I'd often listen to Dreams by Van Halen. I acknowledge the sharp cheese factor, but fuck it, I was trying to be a trader and was probably wearing a blue button-down.
I kept waiting for the moment of clarity. Sammy Hagar never answered the call.
The vision of what both Tilt could be, and what my job could one day be, was what made that constant battle worth it. Twenty years from now, if you tell me my career combined news, digital media, finance, emerging markets, technology, and entrepreneurship, I will 12-year old girl FREAK OUT. It's not exactly Hefner-ian, but it's the piece of the pie I want. Comfort can be a damn nice thing and it kept me trading for a long time. Taking a chance is not only scary, it's a bit of a pain in the ass, and I kinda miss the days of professional cruise control.
Unfortunately, I'm hooked. That feeling of trying to figure out what people want, trying to create that product, and make it an actual business is just too damn interesting. That connection with the first customers who took a chance on you was too rewarding. The people I met during the adventure were too fascinating. That realization that the market for what you want to create is just too huge and the space is too personally interesting....it's easily enough to make one take another shot.
It's been a few years since my last stint as a severance kid. Well, I'm back. Last time it was a bit cheeky (words I now use after working at the FT) as it was always just a break til b-school. This time I know what I want but have no set plan in place to get there.
I'm actually kinda excited.
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