God Bless America

As a self-proclaimed connoisseur of television, I plan on spending my time under house arrest catching up on some quality shows that I never had the chance to watch from the beginning (Dexter and Mad Men come to mind). In the meanwhile, I'm trying to avoid the trap of just watching random, retarded television. I found myself watching about 15 minutes of some horrible new VH1 show called "Real Chance at Love", featuring the "Stallionaire Brothers", Real and Chance. Yup, moments like that definitely kickstarted the East Coast, arugula-eating, latte-drinking, elitist liberal in me and had me worrying about the state of American cultural exports.

But then...god bless the NFL. Not only did it allow me to watch about six straight hours of television (plus Red Sox playoff baseball which I care to not speak about) and not feel guilty, but it reminded me of one of America's greatest products: television advertising.

While it sometimes became a little annoying watching old men talk about their erectile dysfunction, it only occurred to me after about my fourth hour into the marathon that I was seriously craving three products that I had seen repeated ads for (and Taco Bell's blackjack taco is absolutely not one of them):

1) Sometimes technology and utility converge in such a manner that makes one truly wonder about whether mankind's potential is limitless in its nature. Such an instance was shown to me this Sunday. The Bud Light Speaker Box. A 24 pack that has a speaker built-in to its side that you can plug your iPod/shitty, generic MP3 player directly into. Instant party. 24 beers and music. What more do you need? I mean, this could be the most genius product combination of our lifetimes. It will revolutionize packaging and could create an entire new culture of instant, random parties. I wonder what my parents would think if they come home to find me about 16 deep, blasting the new Mika album out of a cardboard box.

2) You may see a pattern, but another Bud Light product...their new Golden Wheat beer. I'm definitely not a huge beer guy, but have always a soft side for a tall, Hefeweizen. I have to try this product before I can believe it (it's a light beer as well, making it even more suspect) but I won't deny the strong urge the entire day to head out and grab a six-pack of this.

3) KFC's Grilled Chicken. I have no idea how this will actually be, and it doesnt really make sense now that I'm at home and have unlimited access to a grill, seasonings/spices, and Costco bags of frozen chicken breasts. However, I always was a little annoyed that getting a basic grilled chicken breast seemed an impossibility in any fast food place other than Boston Market and am glad they took up this strategy. Has anyone tried this?